Silent Screams

Life has become unbearable, I can't go on like this. 

i cannot take it anymore 

i try and try and try and wind up with nothing 

All my hopes and dreams are disappearing 

not because they aren't coming to life, they are 

I just don't want anything anymore 

I don't want to fight 

I don't want to study 

I don't want to breathe 

I just want to die 

I don't know how it started, i used to be so happy 

Nothing i do cheers me up anymore 

suicidal thoughts have been way worse, but I can no longer supress them 

I will fail, i just know it 

everyone is annoying now 

everything is a burden now

I am under 500 pounds and I cannot breathe 

Being diagnosed did not make a bit of difference

I am still living in hell

I cannot live like this 

If this is even considered living.....

Blue Happy Pills

Darkness Falls, Sign of a re-occuring hell

Emotions disappearing, nothing but an empty shell

No one to listen, no one to tell 

Personality fades, no emotions or feelings

Getting worse, when promised to be healing

Depression goes away, but drags happiness along
no longer able to tell right from wrong

Who Am I ? Not knowing anymore
Going Insane, everything I was behind a locked door

I know they key, the deadly happy blue pills
If stopped, disease attacks and I will surely be killed
Realizing my needs will never be fulfilled

No ! Can never go back to where I once had been
But it's already happening,
Memories erupting from deep within

Pills no longer helping, I can't go on
I cannot survive again, maybe It's time to move on....

Scars

I gazed at her arm, at the blade's streak
I could not react; I could not speak

For so long I knew her, I never would've guessed
With all the things she had, I considered her blessed
But I never knew what was going on in her head

I loved her so much, I was shocked
Little did I know she was made fun of, bullied, and mocked

I started seeing things I had never before seen
It was like her perfect life was nothing but a dream

But the dream came to an end
Turns out, she didn't have any loved ones, Turns out she didn't have any friends

Ignored by everyone and constantly being called names
For no reason at all, she was always ashamed

FAT, WEIRD, NERD, UGLY
When she looked in the mirror, she only saw what they see
she kept repeating "I wish I was pretty, I wish they liked me."
But no one ever took her seriously

Blonde locks of curls and blue eyes full of bliss
but with their whispers in her head, all she saw was ugliness

I wish she had told me all of this before
I could've stopped her from destroying herself even more

She kept everything to herself for so long
she thought I didn't care, but she was wrong

I wish she knew how much I cared
I would've helped her; I would've been there

I was racing to tell her, but she had already decided her fate
I was racing to tell her, but when I got there, I was too late.

My Enemy

There was this girl who I hated the most
she would never win; she would only come close
she was humiliated daily by everyone she knows

They called her names and threw her around
But she never fought back, never made a sound

she ate too much because she didn't feel in control
she seemed to be hated by everyone in the whole world

She was teased about her looks, weight, and what she wears
At first she didn't really seem to care
But then she started listening and fell into despair

She starved herself, cut her skin, and changed what she wore
But for no reason, they seemed to hate her more

No matter what she did, things only got worse
No matter what, they still whispered and cursed

Her dad beat her everyday
she tried to kill herself to take the pain away

Her mom was always disappointed in her
Always saying she had absolutely no future

Everything they were saying was getting to her head
Soon she started wishing she was dead

She tried to kill herself twice more,
they kept cursing her, calling her a whore

She lived through this with self loathing and hate
knowing all along her everlasting fate

Since then this girl has been long gone
But a small part of her lives on

She stops me from living, her anger still remains
Burdening me with all of her pain

I can't get a job; I can't  go on a date
With all the beauty in life, all I see is her hate

No matter how hard I fight she always leads me astray
They see her scars on my arm and immediately run away

I try to fight her; I want to get rid of her, she is my greatest enemy
But how can I leave her behind when this girl is actually me ?

The Deadly Tree

I arrive at The Tree, Oh what a horrible mistake I made
My path gets dark, I hope this isn't my fate

I look around; no one is there
All I see is pain, grief, and despair
Deafening screams erupt out of nowhere

Running with no destination in mind
I forgot what I came here to find

Out of breath, energy, and life
Body filling with bitterness and strife

Clock is ticking, days and weeks passing by
opportunities and chances fading, as feelings and emotions start to die

Time and place no longer relevant, I pass by the same tree
No longer seeing what everyone else claims to see

Hopelessness takes over; there is no escape
personality disappears, as an empty figure takes my shape

A dim light appears, A hand reaches out
Shock takes over, I hold the hand with no doubt
It pulls me to the colors, it points me to the right route
Happiness reappears, i don't even remember what I was sad about

Walking along my path, I stop once again
I haven't seen it in ages, but I know that tree from deep within
No! it pulled me back to the darkness I once had been in
A viscous cycle, no one can escape; no one can win..........